As a Parent Coach for over 4 years, training, and coaching parents on Positive Parenting, I noticed that parents struggle with connecting with their children, children refuse to adhere to instructions and parents lose their temper often even after attending workshops and actively participating in parenting support groups. It became obvious to me that the gap stems from the absence of emotional intelligence.
In this part of the world, Emotion Quotient (EQ) is not taught at home or in schools, therefore, a lot of adults are struggling with accepting and managing their thoughts and emotions. It is no surprise that most parents are struggling because parenting is a relationship between the parent and the child. Evidence shows that people with high level of emotional intelligence nurture better and successful relationships.
After carrying out more research, I discovered that parenting would continue to feel like a journey with little change and progress if parents are not emotionally intelligent. Parents need self-management emotional skills to bring up their children in a constructive and nurturing way. Studies have found that excessively yelling at your child can do as much harm as — or even more harm than — spanking your child. The results of yelling at your child, name-calling, and putting her down last longer than a slap on the bum, for example.
The message you send to your child — the words and the emotion attached to those words — live on in your child’s mind. That message can reinforce the idea that your child is a bad person. In addition, if you continue yelling, your child eventually becomes immune to the noise — she tunes it out and ignores it. She just thinks, “Oh, he’s telling me how worthless I am again.”
When you can manage your own emotional responses, you can become a better parent. Some of the most important emotional skills that apply to parenting include impulse control, empathy, and problem-solving. By working on your ability (and your partner’s ability) in these areas, you can implement any number of parenting approaches. If you can’t manage your own emotions, no parenting approaches can help you raise a happy, emotionally secure child.
Do unto your children as you would have other people do unto your children. And most important, they show us how to live by it. Research, firsthand experience, and case studies show that Emotionally Intelligent Parenting breaks the mould of traditional parenting and takes into account the strong role of emotions — those of parents and children — in psychological development. Parents have to learn how to communicate with children on a deeper, more gratifying level and how to help them successfully navigate the intricacies of relating to others. To this end, parents need to use their emotions in the most constructive ways, focusing on such everyday issues as sibling rivalry, fights with friends, school situations, homework, and peer pressure to teach children about accepting, identifying and validating feelings and emotions as well as self-regulating by delaying judgment and response. In my experience, children respond quickly to these strategies, their self-confidence is strengthened, their curiosity is piqued, and they learn to assert their independence while developing their ability to make responsible choices.